Half of the following statements about me are true. Identify 15 of the true ones and win a prize.
1. Tried out for Survivor and made it to the semi-final interview in Chicago before being cut.
2. Bungee-jumped in New Zealand.
3. Tried out for the Olympic ice hockey team and was cut very early in the process.
4. Had a date with Miss North Carolina a year after she relinquished her crown.
5. Slept with the coach of the Miss Michigan pageant.
6. Published a poem in The New Yorker.
7. Appointed Poet Laureate of Antrim County.
8. Was thanked by Robert Frost for suggesting a revision in one of his poems.
9. Rode an elephant.
10. Achieved a score of 700 in Words with Friends.
11. Made a white sauce without assistance or instruction from Kim.
12. Wiped my butt with poison sumac.
13. Finished second in a 10-mile swimming race.
14. Spent a summer working as a model.
15. Was selected to be King of St. Clair, Michigan.
16. Swallowed a live bee.
17. Slept through the night in the cemetery of the Great Swamp Baptist Church in Georgia.
18. Learned how to reboot my modem and router.
19. Won my college’s “Ugly Man” contest.
20. Successfully cleaned my bathroom.
21. Floated down a major midwestern river with a guy named Jim.
22. Received an A in a college English class.
23. Dated the same girl that Ken Howard was dating, and asked her to choose between us.
24. Read War and Peace twice.
25. Changed the oil in my car.
26. Died, briefly, but made a comeback.
27. Streaked across the University of Michigan’s Diag (at night).
28. Enjoyed regular breakfasts with the author, Dan Brown.
29. Had two vasectomies – the second one free.
30. Taught three classes in a row with my fly unzipped.
31. Bicycled from Ann Arbor to the Mackinac Bridge.
32. Met Roy Rogers and Dale Evans.
33. Hunted for whales in the Atlantic off the coast of Cape Cod.
34. Shot and killed a deer.
35. Spent a summer working as a dishwasher.
36. Trapped a skunk.
37. Learned the names of all the trees on our property.
38. Without Kim’s help, picked the house we were going to live in.
39. Auditioned unsuccessfully for Dancing with the Stars.
40. Tended a small cannabis garden for personal use.
By the way, I had much more fun writing this than any of you had reading it. So: Make your own lists – and feel free to share. You might want to start with 5 and 5 – good for holiday gatherings.