One of the advantages of being an Old Fart is that you can give voice to your complaints, no matter how trivial. I’m not sure why it’s expected or even accepted for Old Farts to grumble, but I’m going to take a break from being positive and grateful so I can take advantage of the expectation of my being crotchety. And here I’m talking about minor stuff that gets under my skin, not the Big Stuff such as our stupid wars, the crazy mass shootings, inflation, the short-sighted moves toward global warming, etc. No, let’s set those aside for the moment for other people to deal with, and focus on some minor stuff.
I get annoyed by:
· People making promises about outcomes over which they have no control. “I promise we will find your lost dog.” “I promise you are going to be OK.” “I promise you will win the lottery.” No, you can promise that you will try your hardest, or that you will drive carefully, or behave yourself at your high school reunion. Makes me wonder about vows made at wedding ceremonies. I guess the wedding wouldn’t work if each one only promised to try.
· People in movies driving cars while looking at passenger they are talking with, not the road. Sometimes that’s on purpose and it leads to an accident, but sometimes it’s just an actor who is trying to make the conversation look important.
· Opening packages wrapped in plastic, especially bacon. Seriously. It’s all the more annoying when there are directions about how to open the package, or when it’s labeled “E-Z Open.”
· People who type quickly using their thumbs. Not so long ago, being “all thumbs” was a bad thing. Maybe it still is . . .. Nothing wrong with this, really, except I can’t do it, and that annoys me.
· Cars that tailgate me, pass me, and then resume driving at my speed. Kim is getting tired of hearing my Old Fart comments when this happens.
· Not being able to find something that I use every day and always put away in the same place: phone charging cable, slippers, coffee mug, reading glasses, tax papers, somebody’s phone number, my car. (By the way, one of the advantages of the Handicap Tag that Kim got for the car is that we always park where we can see the car from the door of the store or mall. Thus, my handicap is also addressed. This only works if I can remember what my car looks like.)
· The word “algorithm.” I don’t know what the word means, and I’m too old to want to know, but from where I sit, the word smells bad.
· Phone numbers that are presented in the form of words rather than numbers. You know, something like 1-800-YOU SUCK instead of 1-800-968-7825 (if I got that right – and sorry if I used your real number.) Don’t make me work to dial the damn phone! (Challenge: Come up with a word or phrase that can be used to dial your number.) (Mine: PEG BAD GIRLS)
· Then there’s that feeling of dread just before I try to fix a computer problem or deal with what happens after an update. I won’t here try to summarize my struggles with passwords, security codes, hacks, etc. (Thank you to whoever came up with the fingerprint technology) – just the feeling of dread as I’m staring at my screen, or my router, or my phone, or my printer, knowing that my incompetence will again be on display – if only to me. Currently my new router will not connect with my Alexa device, which firmly tells me what to do to fix it. Nope – doesn’t work. Best Buy’s Geek Squad can’t make it out for a week. I will figure out how to do it, I promise.