“Goes With”

            I’ve learned a lot of things late in life. One of the most difficult ones – and I am far from mastering it, is the concept of “goes with.”

            Here’s a recent example: I took my shower after breakfast, dressed in my brown work pants and blue shirt, and emerged to where Kim was doing the dishes. She studied how I looked with a skeptical glance and then said, quietly but firmly, “That shirt does not go with those pants.” 

 

            My initial thought was, “Of course they go together. If I walk out the front door wearing these pants, the shirt will go with us.” Fortunately, I did not say that. Instead, I retreated to my closet, where my wardrobe is almost exclusively blue, black and brown, with an occasional white for those rare dress-up occasions. I put on one of my half-dozen pairs of black pants – retreating to a safety mode. Kim gave me a look. She was amused. It has become one of those games that married people play.

 

            I usually use clothing choice criteria other than “goes with.” A favorite: dirty, but not too dirty for yard work. Also: O.K. for kneeling in the dirt. Sometimes it’s: I think Kim liked this shirt the last time I wore it, but I can’t remember what pants I was wearing. I think clothing manufacturers should sew on a brief message, perhaps in code, indicating to men, what “goes with” this piece of clothing.

 

            And it’s not just about clothing. Some wines “go with” certain foods, which a waiter will happily explain to you if you are in a classy joint. And Kim has pointed out to me several times that a salad featuring citrus does not “go with” certain main course entrees – I don’t remember which ones.

 

            A television I saw several years ago opens with a truck pulling up in front of an old cabin tucked in the woods. It’s dark out – early morning. The driver is surrounded by fishing gear. His buddy emerges from the cabin carrying his gear, and as he approaches the truck, the driver asks, “Are you going to wear that shirt?” I’m not sure what the ad was selling, but I love it.

 

            Do women blank out on what “goes with” what – the way I do? How about gay men? Is it learned (and thus learnable) or genetic? Do I, at my age, have a fighting chance? Kim might answer, “You could do it if you cared . . ..” Or if I ever bothered to look in the mirror.

 

            I have written before about “How to Discuss Pant Colors with Your Wife,” and as I write this, we are choosing fabrics for the couch and chair in the living room of our new/old condo, which means choosing paint colors, rugs, etc. My goal is to choose colors that won’t require me to change my shirt to a color that “goes with” the room.