Alter Egos

 

            Lately I’ve spent a bit of my idle time thinking about who I’d want to be if I weren’t me. And since I’m geriatric, I think about who I wish I’d been. It’s all harmless speculation, but it probably reveals something about me – something that nobody else is interested in. Anyway, here’s my alter ego list:

 

Denzel Washington – It was impressive, especially in his early movies, watching his confident stride. Kim would sometimes see my hesitant slouching gait and ask me to walk like Denzel. I did a pretty good job of it, but only for about a dozen strides. Not sure how he is walking today.

 

Garrison Keillor – I’m not sure what he’s like in person and have never heard him perform, but he is my age, and I’ve long admired his humorous bi-weekly essays – though I don’t share his fundamentalist upbringing and never had a radio program. He is a welcome dose of sanity toward which I aspire.

 

Bruce Willis – I mean, of course, before the dementia. He simply had a zest for life that I admire, and he showed his joy. I tend to hold back. I seldom laugh, and Kim points out that I seldom smile unless we are talking about sex.

 

Hugh Grant – Forget his personal life. I would like to be the Hugh Grant his scriptwriters have created, with charming deadpan witty sarcasm.

 

Dad – Yes, I wish I could be my father, with his solid but somewhat distant warmth. If I were him, I would try to remedy that distance from his sons. In fact, why don’t I do that with my own sons . . .?

 

Horatio – He is, of course, Hamlet’s friend. He sees the ghost and poor Yorick, and he lives to tell Hamlet’s story. I would like to step more fully into the “friend” role, at the very least as a companion and witness, though I can do without the ghost and the skull.

 

Classmate – I am deeply moved to read the tributes my college buddies have posted on the death of our classmates. I’m not sure what they would/will say about me. So, what I think I’m saying is that the self I would like to have been is the kind of person who would earn such tributes. (And no, I am not asking for them here. Save them for my In Memoriam obituary.)

 

Mr. Fixit – Not me. This could be pretty much anyone on Kim’s side of the family. I did successfully unclog the toilet, and I fixed Kim’s phone by turning it off and then on, but that’s about it. O yes – and I set the clocks when Daylight Savings ended.

 

Guy on a White Horse – Shortly before she accepted my marriage proposal, Kim dreamed I was riding in on a white horse to rescue her – from what, I’m not sure. (She said Yes after two botched proposal attempts – but that’s another story.) Anyway, I’m still trying to live up to that dream . . ..

 

            You might have noticed that this is a male group. Sorry, but my imagination is too weak to feature a woman as my alter ego. Maybe Oprah . . .?