Retirement

            I’m not used to getting accusatory calls from the police, but that’s what happened. It all goes back to my snow tires.

 

            They were a bit worn – as happens elsewhere in my world as I get older – and my regular non-snow tires were also starting to thin. (My 2015 Highlander has 134,000 miles on it, and they may be the original tires.) So, I decided, following advice from Scott, to get new all-season tires, saving me the hassle and expense of changing tires twice a year.

 

            What to do with the old tires? The local shop where I bought my new tires disposed of my old snow tires, but I still had a set of four tires staring at me from the back of the garage, as I was unwilling to pay my shop $20 per tire for disposal.

 

            I vaguely recalled seeing something online about the local Conservation District’s holding days to turn in old tires, so I put my massive computer skills to work, and after an embarrassing amount of time, I found an item that said Monday, May 18, tires could be disposed of for free at the Department of Public Works in Elk Rapids, about twelve miles from home. Great! So, I loaded all the tires into my car, drove to the DPW site, which had nobody there and no evidence of tire collection. I figured that I must have arrived too early (8:45), so I unloaded my tires in the most conspicuous place possible, next to the front door, and left. All good! I was looking forward to a somewhat decluttered garage.

 

            Later that afternoon I got that phone call. It turns out that what I did amounted to some sort of large-scale littering, and offense that called for a hefty fine (amount undisclosed). I explained what happened to the friendly but skeptical police officer. He got on his computer and I attempted to guide him to the place on the internet where I found the information about turning in tires. I found the site on my computer but was unable to give clear enough instructions to the police officer, so he suggested that I take a picture of my screen with the information, so I could show it to the Township Supervisor. My hope was, in the officer’s words, that what I did could be written off as “an honest mistake” – a designation that I find applies to my actions more and more often. I tried to explain that if I were trying to dump the tires, I would not dump them in the most obvious place possible, with all the cameras recording my actions and my car’s license plate.

 

            At that point I noticed the date of the tire-article on my screen: April, 2019. I had somehow blundered my way into the Archives section of the Antrim County Conservation District website.

 

            As I write this, the issue is resolved. I phoned my friend, Don – a long-time resident of Elk Rapids. I told him my story, which he found to be very amusing, and he offered to talk with the Township Supervisor and the Chief of Police (“I know everyone!”) and deliver my tires to a local facility that only charges $5 per tire. This is saving me a lot of hassle, as our car is usually full of stuff we are carrying to our new condo.

 

            Later in the day Don forwarded me this: “Mr. Stringer . . . you no longer have to duck from the law, change your name or buy a different vehicle. I’m happy to say that your criminal record has been expunged and you are once again a fine upstanding citizen.” I told Don he has earned a meal at a restaurant of his choice - maybe Alice's.